As of this morning: 138.6
Man, it's been a while since I started this thing.
So much has changed.
I got a new job, went back to school (literally just for the gym), and I've lost more weight.
It's not a big weight loss since I started last August, but it's progress.
I was averaging 154 in August, I'm now averaging about 138-140.
At one point since January, I hit 135.
I just need to keep telling myself, "just 35 more pounds (from 140). You can do it, stay strong. You've come this far, keep going. You can be half of the old disgusting you (was about 210, maybe more, and shooting for 105)."
I haven't been purging though. I was for a while here and there back in like January, but I just haven't had the energy to do it.
I've been trying to stay on top of taking laxatives, but I've been forgetting a lot.
Today I ate less than my limit of 800 calories. Breakfast was two Tums in the morning. I've only just started using them to settle my stomach and I have to say, I'm pretty impressed at how well it eases the few pangs I get. During the day at work, I had 3 Tums, one each time I even thought I heard my stomach growling. When I got home, I had a fairly low-cal tuna sandwich (about 285 cals), a small popsicle, and a small glass of chocolate soy milk just to give myself a little something. Other than that, I only totalled at about 480 calories. I think I've been around/under 1000 cals (about 1500 on weekends when I'm around people) for the last few weeks.
The downside to all of that, I have so little energy and my insomnia makes it nearly impossible to sleep most nights, so that really doesn't help matters much either. Thank Ana for nicotine and my anti-depressants.
If you ever get the chance, get Bupropion as an antidepressant. The side effects are worth the near complete loss of appetite. You get ringing in your ears for a few days as well as some not-unbearably-bad insomnia, but for the most part, I love them.
I tried working out at the gym the other day. Usually I can do some light weight lifting and a 2.5 mile run almost no problem, but I had to stop after forcing myself to do only some weights and 1 mile. During the weights, I was fine, but once I started my run, a few minutes into it, I started to get a bit dizzy and knew that if I went for the full 2.5 miles, I'd end up passing out on the machine, hurting myself, and probably end up in an ambulance. Not to mention the embarrassment I would've had for passing out at the school gym. I also would've been late for work.
I just feel everything spiraling way out of control and I'm so proud and impressed with the way I've been able to at least keep a handle on my restrictive eating. Although, not going to lie, I have been craving homemade mac and cheese like mad.
I'm more than likely getting fucked over at my new job selling insurance, which is a commission only job.
I'm probably going to fail at least one of my classes because Photoshop decided it didn't like my pirated copy.
I'm definitely likely to go to bed not wanting to wake up.
OH! One last thing before I forget! Back in like February/March or something like that, the guy who decided he wasn't "romantically interested" in me, decided that he was afterall. But mostly for sex. And then, Mr. I'm-not-ready-for-a-relationship-and-probably-never-will-be started dating this ugly, I'm talking fucking hideous to a scary level, ass fucking whore after knowing her for a fucking week. Then he told me over drinks two weeks into their relationship after ignoring me because he was too much of a coward to tell me. I was stressed out from work and shit, so I honestly didn't have the energy to be depressed about it. Best part though: that idiot fucked her without a condom or anything and got the fucking herpa derp (that'd be HERPES). Then, he broke up with her because the herp is a deal breaker for him and she BEGGED him not to break up with her for 5 fucking hours. And then blew up his phone with texts and stuff the next day. Now he's starting to "toy with the idea of being with me".
I think I'll take the douchebag route and kind of string him along as long as I can (he kept me on the hook for 14 months), take all the compliments he gives me, and accept any presents. Then, start dating someone else and ignore him for two weeks before telling him.
Anyways, my beautiful fellow AnaMia followers, stay strong!
<3 Layla W.